Aisle be Back: Hurricanes v Crusaders in Wellington

Ruben Love is set to play his 50th match for the Hurricanes against the Crusaders. Team news below.

• By Kevin McCarthy 

About this point in the Super season, I typically indulge in some , unscientific methods to see who has the toughest run in from here in the top 6. That is back of  the envelope.

However, I find myself with far fewer envelopes these days. The only mail I get is rate demands, and real estate agents fibbing that a decline in my house’s value means it has never been a better time to sell, I guess there will a slight uptick in envelopes leading to the election but that’s too late.

So I decided to see if AI could do the job. Gemini 3 to be exact. It would be fast, able to be adjusted for my convolutions, and produce some interesting insights.

However, I must report something did not quite land. Perhaps it is me. Perhaps AI’s best rugby guy was having downtime.

The trouble with AI is, you probably are aware, that at its worst, it is like a drunk mate in an argument. It is absolutely convincing, plucking rationales out of the air.

It also thinks everything you think of is absolutely brilliant. I can assure you it’s not.

Or as my maths teacher used to say half a century ago, garbage in, garbage out.

Chiefly, there was no time saving. AI struggled to handle bye games, even hallucinating at one point that the Rebels were still in the comp. Not doubt the chatbot is keen for 2027 when in all likelihood we will have only 10 teams.

Long story short, the Hurricanes should secure top spot. The Chiefs come in second, the Blues third, and the Brumbies fourth. The Reds take out fifth, and the Crusaders sneak into sixth.

But watch out for the Drua. They have the easiest theoretical run-in although they need to nail consecutive home games against the Highlanders and the Waratahs.

The AI doesn’t give the Crusaders much hope. I mean, they do have a brutal run-in, playing the Canes twice, the Chiefs and the Blues. Even sixth place may be too tough, if the Drua go well.

But then AI made this observation.

“Does it feel right to see the Crusaders miss the finals, or do you think their “Championship DNA” acts like a hidden modifier when the playoffs get close?”

Well, obviously I have to say yes to the first dozen words or so. But also concede the latter half.  That may well kick in.I haven’t even told the AI about the Saders having their last 3 games at their super-duper new stadium. Perhaps I will tell it later, when its less distracted.

We’ll know more after tonight at the Stadium here. A dry clear day, should be a night of excellent running footy – and a match the Canes should win to settle any late-season yips.

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I should mention the humidity at Christchurch’s new stadium, which I imagine could easily be weaponised . The Super rugby folk decided to post me a video of the 2006 final where the Crusaders bought in fog machines to blanket their home park. At the time I was in Italy following it by internet, which made it even more surreal.

Then to add to the omens, the algorithm showed me a plaintive post of mine about how the heck we conceded 50-plus points in the opener in Canberra in 2016.

I think these are both signs that 2026 will be a championship winning year.

Also turning up the heat, tonight sees effort going into more entertainment around the match, with mid-game fireworks, plenty for the kids, and – wait, hold on, the Sky City girls.

Are these cheerleaders? I thought they were kind of cancelled a few years ago. As one who saw the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders perform flawlessly at an overcast, drizzly Athletic Park once, it sure sounds like cheerleaders.

If they’re tastefully uncancelled, then surely we can bring back the ultimate match entertainment. Two people battling it out in giant inflatable Sumo suits. Come on marketing people, square it off with the Japanese embassy.

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Following last week’s Super Round victory over the Brumbies, four changes and a positional switch has been made to the team’s starting lineup, which features the selection of first-five Ruben Love for his 50th Hurricanes appearance.

An entirely new front row made up by props Xavier Numia and Pasilio Tosi, and hooker Asafo Aumua, joins locks Caleb Delany and Warner Dearns in the tight five.

A positional switch in the loose forwards sees Brayden Iose moved to blindside flanker and Peter Lakai named at No 8. Co-captain and last week’s Hurricanes centurion Du’Plessis Kirifi stays at openside flanker.

The backline remains unchanged, with halfback Cam Roigard and partnering Love in the halves once again.

Kick-off is scheduled for 7:05pm, with fans set to be treated to the second edition of SkyCity Light the Night, where fans will be treated to an extravaganza of lights, lasers, flames, and sounds throughout the evening.

HURRICANES TEAM TO PLAY CRUSADERS (Hurricanes caps in brackets)

1. Xavier Numia (85)
2. Asafo Aumua (84)
3. Pasilio Tosi (46)
4. Caleb Delany (47)
5. Warner Dearns (9)
6. Brayden Iose (60)
7. Du’Plessis Kirifi (100) – co-captain
8. Peter Lakai (45)
9. Cam Roigard (56)
10. Ruben Love (50th match)
11. Fehi Fineanganofo (21)
12. Jordie Barrett (120) – co-captain
13. Billy Proctor (76)
14. Josh Moorby (47)
15. Callum Harkin (18)
16. Raymond Tuputupu (19)
17. Siale Lauaki (11)
18. Tevita Mafileo (65)
19. Isaia Walker-Leawere (85)
20. Brad Shields (136)
21. Devan Flanders (65)
22. Ereatara Enari (20)
23. Jone Rova (8)

UNAVAILABLE FOR SELECTION

Tyrel Lomax (ankle): 4 weeks
Hugo Plummer (ankle): 1 week
Taine Roiri (hamstring): 1-3 weeks
Jai Tamati (ankle): 1 week
Brett Cameron (knee): Expected to miss season
Harry Godfrey (knee): Expected to miss season
Riley Higgins (shoulder): TBC
Josh Timu (ankle): Week-to-week