Aisle be Back: All Blacks v Uruguay (the wash-up)

• By Kevin McCarthy

My family used to live in the Falkland Islands, and politics being politics, if they needed better medical care, they’d take the slow boat to neighbouring Uruguay, rather than Argentina.

The said ship, the Montevideo, was legendary for making people violently sick in the wild South Atlantic seas.

I felt the same way for the first 20 minutes of this morning’s eventual 73-0 drubbing.

With the score at nil-nil, I was on the verge of rolling out the ultimate slur, and calling them the Sam Cane All Blacks.  Overambition, knock-ons, dropped balls, almost going 7-nil down early on.

Which actually puts the 96-17 result over Italy into some perspective. There was much talk of whether it told us much about the All Blacks.

But actually it did. The execution in that game was so good for so long, that it made you think the All Blacks could progress beyond the quarterfinals.

By comparison, the execution in the Uruguay was much patchier.

It’s no insight to say the quarterfinal will bear no resemblance to their game. There may be one or two try scoring chances, the rest will be pressure and penalties.

The All Blacks won’t get 20 or 30 chances as they did in the past two games to produce fantastic scores.

So can they execute the one or two times they will really, really need to.

Therein lies their fate, nine days from today.

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When Hawke’s Bay broke Wellington’s hearts last weekend and reclaimed the Shield, no-one could have imagined they’d carry on the theme, and break the actual shield.

Thousands of words, and much gnashing of teeth later, we are no nearer knowing what went on. No doubt the NZR investigation will find out more.

Spoiler alert – it may have been an alcohol fuelled incident (pure unfounded supposition) at the very least.

Further spoiler alert – there will be a rigorous protocol developed to protect the shield from a repeat.

Final spoiler alert – no one will be punished for what was, we are plausibly told, an accident.

All of which could be avoided by a simple precaution of somewhere, anywhere, having a sober adult in charge of the shield.  Because, as we all know, there’s a deep respect for it as the greatest trophy in New Zealand rugby history.

Until there isn’t.

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Is there any more ludicrous story doing the world cup rounds than that Scott Robertson is banned from watching the All Blacks yarn.

Apparently Robertson was in France, went to some games, and is now back in Canterbury.

New Zealand Rugby isn’t commenting on the record, but behind the scenes, seems to be saying there’s nothing to see here.

The national body could come out and shoot down the tale, which originated with Justin Skillset Marshall.  On the other hand, that would just give it oxygen.

Let’s trust that there is no truth to it, it’s just that NZR’s public persona is so low, everyone takes their pronouncements and their non-pronouncements with a grain of salt.

Robertson did say at the time of getting the top job that he wouldn’t be hanging around the All Blacks like a bad smell, which is understandable.